History Jokes: Religious jokes, clean Christian jokes


Funny anecdotes and short stories are a great source of examples in public speeches. This website contains short funny stories, clean jokes and humorous legends of kings and queens, politicians, famous literary figures and artists from many books and sources. The styles of writers from different time periods was preserved - they often enhance the stories in an amusing way. Enjoy and have fun!

Words from God 
The historicity of this anecdote is more than doubtful. It does, however, provide a beautiful insight into the ways human mind often operates:

A middle-aged Londoner was faced with a difficult decision when choosing between two lovely ladies, Anna and Mary, both willing to join him in matrimony. Although not a religious man, this Londoner stumbled into a church and, kneeling down in the pew, asked God for advice on whether he should have Ann or Maria for his wife. When the man got up he was most pleased to see that the Almighty had put the answer right before his eyes: ‘Ave Maria.

From Engraved Style
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Death of a Hero 
Sunday, April 13, 2008, 12:28 PM - Religious jokes, Church history jokes, Clean Christian jokes, History of France
Posted by Court Jester
Death of a Hero.—At the battle of Malplaquet, in 1709, Marshal Villars was dangerously wounded, and desired to receive the Holy Sacrament. Being advised to receive in private, he said, "No, if the army cannot see me die like a hero, they shall see me die as a Christian."
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Navy Chaplains 
When the Earl of Clancarty was captain of a man-of-war, and was cruising on the coast of Guinea, he happened to lose his chaplain by a fever, on which the lieutenant, who was a Scotchman, gave him notice of it, saying, at the same time, "that he was sorry to inform him that he died in the Roman Catholic religion." "Well, so much the better," said his lordship. "Oot, oot, my lord, how can you say so of a British clergyman?" "Why," said his lordship, "because I believe I am the first captain of a man-of-war that could boast of having a chaplain who had any religion at all."
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Theological argument 
Charles V, King of Spain, at the suggestion of Hernado Cortez, entertained the idea of digging a canal to connect the Atlantic and the Pacific oceans. In 1567, Philip II, the successor of Charles V, sent a party of engineers to survey the Nicaraguan route, but the report was unfavorable to the success of the work. Impressed by the representations made in favor of a canal, notwithstanding the unfavorable report, the king, in his perplexity, is said to have laid the matter before the Dominican Friars, who, desirous of obeying the mandates of the king, were, in their ignorance of the problem, in probably a greater state of perplexity, so they turned to the Scriptures for consolation and relief, hitting upon the following verse, which they concluded had a direct reference to a canal: "What God hath joined together, let no man put asunder". With this injunction from the Holy Writ, they reported against the undertaking. This was a sufficiently good argument for King Philip to abandon further consideration of the subject, which was thereafter put aside and not again considered, for death was to be the penalty for any one who sought a better route across the Isthmus than the paved road which had been constructed from Porto Bello to Panama.
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Thomas Aquinas and the Pope 
Friday, September 28, 2007, 06:21 PM - Religious jokes, Church history jokes, Clean Christian jokes, Medieval jokes and anecdotes
Posted by Administrator
St. Thomas was one day with Pope Innocent
the Fourth in his closet, when an officer of his
chancery came in with a bag of gold, procured by
Absolutions and Indulgences. The Pope profanely
said: "See, young man, the Church is not what
it was in the times when it used to say,
Silver and gold have I none"
-- ”Holy Father, that is very true,
indeed," replied St. Thomas,
"but then it cannot say to the poor afflicted with
“the palsy, Rise, take up thy bed and walk.”
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