History Jokes: Ancient History in jokes and anecdotes


Funny anecdotes and short stories are a great source of examples in public speeches. This website contains short funny stories, clean jokes and humorous legends of kings and queens, politicians, famous literary figures and artists from many books and sources. The styles of writers from different time periods was preserved - they often enhance the stories in an amusing way. Enjoy and have fun!

Xerxes--King of Persia 
Wednesday, May 20, 2009, 07:39 PM - Ancient history jokes and anecdotes, Greek and Roman, Army and Navy Jokes and Anecdotes
Posted by Court Jester
While retreating from Greece aboard a Phonecian ship, a dangerous storm blew up. The ship was overloaded with Persians and it looked as though the ship would sink. Xerxes asked the pilot if there was anyway to survive and was told that the ship's load must be lighted substantially. On hearing this, the king addressed the Persians, "It is on you that my safety depends. Now let some of you show your regard for your king." Many obediently threw themselves overboard and the ship, now significantly lighter, was able to reach the shore safely. Xerxes quickly ordered that the pilot of the ship be given a golden crown for preserving his life, but then also commanded his head be cut off for causing the death of so many Perisans at sea.
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Sir Arthur Evans: a saddened archaeologist 
Sir Arthur Evans (July 8, 1851 July 11, 1941), a British archaeologist most famous for unearthing the palace of Knossos on the island of Crete, was entertaining a group of friends on his 90th birthday. One of his guests mentioned that the Germans had destroyed Knossos. Evans was so devastated by this news that he only lived three days past that fateful evening. The sad irony lies in the fact that Evans' guest was misinformed. The Germans did not destroy the palace. On the contrary, precautions had been made by them to ensure that the ancient ruin suffered no damage whatsoever.
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Demosthenes' comeback 
Saturday, April 5, 2008, 11:46 PM - Ancient history jokes and anecdotes, Greek and Roman, Jokes and anecdotes of famous people
Posted by Court Jester
An orator of Athens said to Demosthenes, "The Athenians will kill you if they are in a rage." Demosthenes replied, "And they will kill you if they are in the right mind."
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Alexander the Great as Parmenion 
After Alexander had conquered Egypt, King Darius of Persia offered Alexander generous terms for peace.

Darius would pay Alexander 10,000 talents for releasing Perisan prisoners, give him the areas west of the Euphrates and he would hand over his daughter to Alexander in marriage.

Alexander was unsure if he should accept these terms and consulted his general, Parmenion. Parmenion said, "If I were Alexander, I would accept these offers."
Alexander countered, "So would I, if I were Parmenion."

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Pyrrhic victory 
Monday, March 24, 2008, 01:57 PM - Ancient history jokes and anecdotes, Greek and Roman, Famous funny quotes and sayings
Posted by Court Jester
Pyrrhus, after his victory ofer the Romans, near the river Siris, said to those sent to congratulate him, "One more such victory and Pyrrhus is undone."

From Dictionary of Phrase and Fable: Giving the Derivation, Source, Or Origin of Common Phrases, Allusions and Words that have a Tale to Tell by Ebenezer Cobham Brewer
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