History Jokes: Death bed joke (Heinrich Heine)


Funny anecdotes and short stories are a great source of examples in public speeches. This website contains short funny stories, clean jokes and humorous legends of kings and queens, politicians, famous literary figures and artists from many books and sources. The styles of writers from different time periods was preserved - they often enhance the stories in an amusing way. Enjoy and have fun!

Death bed joke (Heinrich Heine) 
Saturday, April 4, 2009, 02:02 PM - Religious jokes, Church history jokes, Clean Christian jokes
Posted by Administrator
As Heinrich Heine, a famous German poet, laid on his death bed, an officious priest advised him to make his peace with God lest he die unforgiven. " I am not worried," Heine said, "Dieu me pardonnera; c'est son metier?" (God will forgive me. That's his job).
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Puns and Conundrums 
Friday, December 12, 2008, 05:45 PM - Satire
Posted by Court Jester
Some Puns and Conundrums from "Wit and Humor of the Age" by Melville De Lancey Landon, Mark Twain


Why is a lawyer like a restless sleeper?
He lies first on one side and then on the other

What is the difference between a cat and a comma?
A cat has claws at the end of its paws, a comma is a pause at the end of a clause.

What animal would be likely to devour a near relation?
The ant-eater.

Why is a gun like a jury?
It goes off when discharged.

What animal has death no effect upon?
A pig; when killed he can be cured.

Why are teeth like verbs?
They are regular, irregular and defective

Why is a kiss like a scandal?

Because it goes from mouth to mouth.

Why is the most discontented man, the most easily satisfied?
Nothing satisfies him.

"The peace maker" - a pair of scisors.

"Can't be beat" - turnip.


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A Scotch Anecdote of Gladstone 
Friday, December 12, 2008, 05:35 PM - British humor, history of England, Jokes and anecdotes of famous people
Posted by Court Jester
Mr. Gladstone's fluency in argumentation, although i natural gift, was purposely fostered by his father: indeed, all the family were accustomed to argue about everything that turned up at table or elsewhere. On one occasion William Gladstone and his sister Mary disputed as to where a certain picture was to be hung. An old Scotch sen-ant came in with a ladder and stood irresolute while the argument progressed ; but as Miss Mary would not yield, William gallantly ceased from speech, though unconvinced of course. The servant then hung up the picture where the young lady ordered; but when he had done this he crossed the room and hammered a nail into the opposite wall. lie was asked why he did this:

"Aweel, Miss, that'll do to hang the picture on when ye'll have come roond to Master Willie's opeenion.
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Ben Wade's Wit 
Friday, December 12, 2008, 05:34 PM - American history in jokes,anecdotes and funny facts, Famous funny quotes and sayings
Posted by Court Jester
Old Ben Wade was traveling over the Union Pacific railroad, through Cheyenne and Laramie. Sitting down by Juto Daniels, who ran a ranch at Laramie, old Ben remarked:

"This is a very bad country—a God-forsaken country, Mr. Daniels."

"You are mistaken, Senator," said Jules. " This is a very good country. All it lacks is water and good society."

"Yes, that's all hell lacks," growled old Ben.
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John Adams on being a Vice President 
Sunday, November 9, 2008, 04:12 AM - American history in jokes,anecdotes and funny facts, Jokes and anecdotes of famous people
Posted by Administrator
John Adams, while serving as the Vice President:

"... My country has in its wisdom contrived
for me the most insignificant office
that ever the invention of man contrived or his imagination
conceived. And as I can do neither good nor
evil, I must be borne away by others, and meet the
common fate. "

From The Life of John Adams by Charles Francis Adams, John Quincy Adams
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