History Jokes: Queen Elizabeth: Tudor humor

Funny anecdotes and short stories are a great source of examples in public speeches. This website contains short funny stories, clean jokes and humorous legends of kings and queens, politicians, famous literary figures and artists from many books and sources. The styles of writers from different time periods was preserved - they often enhance the stories in an amusing way. Enjoy and have fun!

Queen Elizabeth: Tudor humor 
Queen Elizabeth seeing a disappointed courtier walking with a melancholy face in one of her gardens, asked him, "What does a man think of when he thinks of nothing? " " Of a woman's promises!" was the reply ; to which the Queen returned,''I must notconfute you, Sir Edward," and she left him.

From: The Jest Book: The Choicest Anecdotes and Sayings by Mark Lemon
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Spartans and the arts 
* * *

A Spartan ephor cut two of the strings of a
harp, saying to the performer, " Don't murder

* * *

Some one seeing a picture of Laconians being
killed by Athenians, observed, "Brave fellows,
these Athenians." "On canvas," interposed a

From 'Greek Wit: A Collection of Smart Sayings and Anecdotes' by Frederick Apthorp Paley.
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Colonel Owen's Squad Drill 
Tuesday, November 20, 2007, 03:39 PM - Army and Navy Jokes and Anecdotes, Civil War jokes and anecdotes
Posted by Court Jester
Great difficulty was experienced in furnishing the Pennsylvania troops with shoes at the commencement of the three months service. Those that were furnished were generally much too large for the wearers - a fault which occasioned much merriment and some inconvenience. A raw recruit in Colonel Owen's regiment was being put through the squad drill, when the following colloquy took place

SERGEANT. " Why don't ye mind the others there, Patrick Kelly ? There ye've bin standin' like a spalpeen iver since ye come out, and niver a once faced to the right or left! Shure an' I'll arrist ye! D'ye mind that ?"
PRIVATE. " Ye're mistaken altogether, sargeant. Shure an' ye've been lookin' at me shoes. Devil a bit can I turn thim around! "
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King's clemency 

Sir Thomas More (1480-1535) when told that the sentence of death pronounced upon him had been changed to one of simple decapitation, by clemency of the king, said: 'I pray God to spare my friends from a similar clemency.
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A Quarter of an Hour 
Wednesday, October 10, 2007, 02:28 AM - Jokes and anecdotes of famous people, Modern Age History
Posted by Court Jester

When Lord Nelson was leaving London, on his last, but glorious, expedition against the enemy, a quantity of cabin furniture was ordered to be sent on board his ship. He had a farewell dinner party at his house; and the upholsterer having waited upon his lordship, with an account of the completion of the goods, was brought into the dining-room, in a corner of which his lordship spoke with him. The upholsterer stated to his employer, that everything was finished, and packed, and would go in the wagon, from a certain inn, at six o'clock. "And you go to the inn, Mr. A., and see them off?" "I shall, my lord; I shall be there punctually at six." "A quarter before six, Mr. A.," returned Lord Nelson, "be there a quarter before six. To that quarter of an hour I owe everything in life."
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