History Jokes: Mark Twain's pious remark

Once a notoriously tough businessman told Mark Twain, "Before I die I mean to make a pilgrimage to the Holy Land. I will climb Mount Sinai and read the Ten Commandments aloud at the top." Disgusted, Twain replied, "I have a better idea. You could stay at home in Boston and keep them."

Tired of conflicting views from economists, Harry expressed his frustration and joked, "All my economists say, 'on one hand...on the other.' Give me a one-handed economist!"

Having emigrated to Austria during World War I, Leon Trotsky spent much of his time playing chess at the Cafe Central. Many viewed the Russian as docile, quiet man who kept to himself. In March of 1917, when told that revolution had broken out in Russia, the Austrian foreign minister could not believe it. He skeptically responded, "Russias is not a land where revolutions break out. Besides, who on earth would make a revolution in Russia? Perhaps Herr Trotsky from the Cafe Central?"

Early on in their marriage, Princess Elizabeth and Prince Philip were crossing the water to Vancouver Island in Canada. The weather was unsettled and the ship was rocking violent. Just as a young petty officer arrived in the royal suite, the ship lurched and the tray of tea cakes he was holding fell to the floor. Surprisingly, Philip jumped onto his hands and knees and helped to gather them up. After retrieving a handful of cakes he returned to his seat and turned to Elizabeth and playfully remarked, "I've got mine--yours are down there."

Prince Philip was visiting an Australian University where he was introduced to a couple identified as "Mr & Dr. Robinson". The husband explained, "My wife is a doctor of philosophy. She is much more important than I." Prince Philip sympathetically replied, "Ah, yes. We have that trouble in our family, too."

Tolstoy was a great pacifist and was once lecturing on the need to be nonresistant and nonviolent towards all creatures. Someone in the audience responded by asking what should be done if one was attacked in the woods by a tiger. Tolstoy responded, "Do the best you can. It doesn't happen very often."