History Jokes: Long live King Charles--not James

Funny anecdotes and short stories are a great source of examples in public speeches. This website contains short funny stories, clean jokes and humorous legends of kings and queens, politicians, famous literary figures and artists from many books and sources. The styles of writers from different time periods was preserved - they often enhance the stories in an amusing way. Enjoy and have fun!

Long live King Charles--not James 
Wednesday, April 2, 2008, 07:20 PM - British humor, history of England, Jokes and funny Stories about Kings and Queens, royal history
Posted by Queen of History Jokes
While on his morning walk, King Charles proceeded to stroll through Hyde Park accompanied by just two lords. As he was walking, his brother James, Duke of York, drove up in his carriage under heavy guard.

The duke was suprised to see his brother virtually alone and expressed to him that it might be dangerous and unwise. King Charles confidently replied,"No danger, for no man in England would take away my life to make you king."
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A Small Step for Neil Armstrong 
Once, while having lunch with photographer Yousuf Karsh and his wife, Armstrong inquired about the many countries the couple had visited. Surprised, Mrs, Karsh replied, "But Mr. Armstrong, you've walked on the moon. We want to hear about your travels."
"But that's the only place I've ever been", responded Armstrong apologetically.

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Alexander the Great as Parmenion 
After Alexander had conquered Egypt, King Darius of Persia offered Alexander generous terms for peace.

Darius would pay Alexander 10,000 talents for releasing Perisan prisoners, give him the areas west of the Euphrates and he would hand over his daughter to Alexander in marriage.

Alexander was unsure if he should accept these terms and consulted his general, Parmenion. Parmenion said, "If I were Alexander, I would accept these offers."
Alexander countered, "So would I, if I were Parmenion."

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Thomas Edison's cigars 
Edison himself has played many a practical joke
upon his employees, and in the early phonograph days
he enjoyed many a laugh on them with the aid of his
"talking machine." Sometimes, however, the joke
was on him, as was instanced by the "fake cigar"
story, which was a popular Edison anecdote twenty
odd years ago. Edison was always an inveterate
smoker, and used to keep a number of boxes of cigars
in his room, and these were a constant object of interest
to his associates. First one man, then another,
would enter the room, ask Edison some trivial question,
and when leaving would manage, unseen, to insert
his hand in one of the boxes and annex three or
four choice cigars. Edison began to suspect something
of the kind, and one day he called on his tobacconist, explained
things, and got the man to fix up some fearful
"smokes," consisting of old bits of rag, tea leaves, and
shavings, and worth about two dollars a barrel. These
were done up in attractive-looking boxes, and delivered
to the laboratory. Nothing happened, however; there
was a falling off in the number of Edison's visitors,
but no casualties were reported. Then one day Edison
again called at the store, and inquired of his dealer if
he had forgotten to send up the fake cigars. "Why,
Mr. Edison," replied the amazed tobacconist, "I sent
up ten boxes of the worst concoctions I could make
two months ago. Ain't your men through with them
yet?" Then Edison made a rapid calculation, divided
the number of cigars by his daily allowance, and was
forced to the painful conclusion that he had consumed
those "life destroyers" himself. There and then he
gave a big order for his usual brand, and his cigars
disappeared once more with their accustomed celerity.

From Thomas Alva Edison: Sixty Years of an Inventor's Life by Francis Arthur Jones
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Theological argument 
Charles V, King of Spain, at the suggestion of Hernado Cortez, entertained the idea of digging a canal to connect the Atlantic and the Pacific oceans. In 1567, Philip II, the successor of Charles V, sent a party of engineers to survey the Nicaraguan route, but the report was unfavorable to the success of the work. Impressed by the representations made in favor of a canal, notwithstanding the unfavorable report, the king, in his perplexity, is said to have laid the matter before the Dominican Friars, who, desirous of obeying the mandates of the king, were, in their ignorance of the problem, in probably a greater state of perplexity, so they turned to the Scriptures for consolation and relief, hitting upon the following verse, which they concluded had a direct reference to a canal: "What God hath joined together, let no man put asunder". With this injunction from the Holy Writ, they reported against the undertaking. This was a sufficiently good argument for King Philip to abandon further consideration of the subject, which was thereafter put aside and not again considered, for death was to be the penalty for any one who sought a better route across the Isthmus than the paved road which had been constructed from Porto Bello to Panama.
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