History Jokes: Medieval jokes and anecdotes

Sir Thomas More (1480-1535) when told that the sentence of death pronounced upon him had been changed to one of simple decapitation, by clemency of the king, said: 'I pray God to spare my friends from a similar clemency.

A beggar once asked alms of the Emperor Maximilian I., who bestowed upon him a small coin. The beggar appeared dissatisfied with the smallness of the gift, and on being asked why, he replied that it was a very little sum for an emperor, and that his highness should remember that we were all descended from one father, and were therefore all brothers. Maximilian smiled good-humouredly, and replied: "Go—go, my good man: if each of your brothers gives you as much as I have done, you will very soon be far richer than me."

This father of his people was told that the players
of Paris had the insolence to take him off upon
the Theatre, as an avaricious man who drank
out of a vessel full of pieces of gold, without
being able to quench his thirst. "Buffoons,"
said he coolly, " think they have the privilege to
turn every one into ridicule. I am not more
perfect than the rest of mankind. The idea is
fair enough. I very readily forgive them: and
after all," added he, "I had rather that my
people laughed at my parsimony, than that they
wept at my prodigality."

St. Thomas was one day with Pope Innocent
the Fourth in his closet, when an officer of his
chancery came in with a bag of gold, procured by
Absolutions and Indulgences. The Pope profanely
said: "See, young man, the Church is not what
it was in the times when it used to say,
Silver and gold have I none"
-- ”Holy Father, that is very true,
indeed," replied St. Thomas,
"but then it cannot say to the poor afflicted with
“the palsy, Rise, take up thy bed and walk.”

St. Thomas possessing an ardent mind, devoted it to the studies then in vogue, scholastic philosophy and theology. In the latter, indeed, he was so eminently successful, that Bucer said of him: Tolle Thomam, et Ecciesiam Romam subverterem: "Take away St. Thomas, and I will effect the downfall of the Roman Church."