History Jokes: Famous funny quotes and sayings


Funny anecdotes and short stories are a great source of examples in public speeches. This website contains short funny stories, clean jokes and humorous legends of kings and queens, politicians, famous literary figures and artists from many books and sources. The styles of writers from different time periods was preserved - they often enhance the stories in an amusing way. Enjoy and have fun!

Mark Twain's pious remark 
Once a notoriously tough businessman told Mark Twain, "Before I die I mean to make a pilgrimage to the Holy Land. I will climb Mount Sinai and read the Ten Commandments aloud at the top." Disgusted, Twain replied, "I have a better idea. You could stay at home in Boston and keep them."


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Leon Trotsky--Russian Revolutionary 
Tuesday, May 19, 2009, 07:42 PM - Famous funny quotes and sayings, Jokes and anecdotes of famous people
Posted by Court Jester
Having emigrated to Austria during World War I, Leon Trotsky spent much of his time playing chess at the Cafe Central. Many viewed the Russian as docile, quiet man who kept to himself. In March of 1917, when told that revolution had broken out in Russia, the Austrian foreign minister could not believe it. He skeptically responded, "Russias is not a land where revolutions break out. Besides, who on earth would make a revolution in Russia? Perhaps Herr Trotsky from the Cafe Central?"

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Raphael (Italian Artist and Architect) responds to criticism. 
Tuesday, May 19, 2009, 01:17 PM - Art History Jokes and Anecdotes, Famous funny quotes and sayings
Posted by Court Jester
Once while working on a frescoe in the Vatican, Raphael became irritated by the constant criticism coming from a couple of observing cardinals. One complained that, "The face of the apostle Paul is far too red". Raphael answered back, "He blushes to see into whose hands the church has fallen".
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Ben Wade's Wit 
Friday, December 12, 2008, 05:34 PM - American history in jokes,anecdotes and funny facts, Famous funny quotes and sayings
Posted by Court Jester
Old Ben Wade was traveling over the Union Pacific railroad, through Cheyenne and Laramie. Sitting down by Juto Daniels, who ran a ranch at Laramie, old Ben remarked:

"This is a very bad country—a God-forsaken country, Mr. Daniels."

"You are mistaken, Senator," said Jules. " This is a very good country. All it lacks is water and good society."

"Yes, that's all hell lacks," growled old Ben.
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Example for the entire army 
WISHED THE ARMY CHARGED LIKE THAT.
A prominent volunteer officer who, early in the War, was on duty in Washington and often carried reports to Secretary Stanton at the War Department, told a characteristic story on President Lincoln. Said he : "I was with several other young officers, also carrying reports to the War Department, and one morning we were late. In this instance we were in a desperate hurry to deliver the papers, in order to be able to catch the train returning to camp.

"On the winding, dark staircase of the old War Department, which many will remember, it was our misfortune, while taking about three stairs at a time, to run a certain head like a catapult into the body of the President,striking him in the region of the right lower vest pocket. "

The usual surprised and relaxed grunt of a man thus assailed came
promptly.
"We quickly sent an apology in the direction of the dimly seen form, feeling that the ungracious shock was expensive, even to the humblest clerk in the department. "

A second glance revealed to us the President as the victim of the collision. Then followed a special tender of 'ten thousand pardons,' and the President's reply : " 'One's enough; I wish the whole army would charge like that.'"

From ABE LINCOLN'S YARNS AND STORIES A COMPLETE COLLECTION OF THE FUNNY AND WITTY ANECDOTES THAT MADE LINCOLN FAMOUS AS AMERICA'S GREATEST STORY TELLER
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