History Jokes: Army and Navy Jokes and Anecdotes


Funny anecdotes and short stories are a great source of examples in public speeches. This website contains short funny stories, clean jokes and humorous legends of kings and queens, politicians, famous literary figures and artists from many books and sources. The styles of writers from different time periods was preserved - they often enhance the stories in an amusing way. Enjoy and have fun!

Example for the entire army 
WISHED THE ARMY CHARGED LIKE THAT.
A prominent volunteer officer who, early in the War, was on duty in Washington and often carried reports to Secretary Stanton at the War Department, told a characteristic story on President Lincoln. Said he : "I was with several other young officers, also carrying reports to the War Department, and one morning we were late. In this instance we were in a desperate hurry to deliver the papers, in order to be able to catch the train returning to camp.

"On the winding, dark staircase of the old War Department, which many will remember, it was our misfortune, while taking about three stairs at a time, to run a certain head like a catapult into the body of the President,striking him in the region of the right lower vest pocket. "

The usual surprised and relaxed grunt of a man thus assailed came
promptly.
"We quickly sent an apology in the direction of the dimly seen form, feeling that the ungracious shock was expensive, even to the humblest clerk in the department. "

A second glance revealed to us the President as the victim of the collision. Then followed a special tender of 'ten thousand pardons,' and the President's reply : " 'One's enough; I wish the whole army would charge like that.'"

From ABE LINCOLN'S YARNS AND STORIES A COMPLETE COLLECTION OF THE FUNNY AND WITTY ANECDOTES THAT MADE LINCOLN FAMOUS AS AMERICA'S GREATEST STORY TELLER
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Lincoln and a Soldier's Request for Furlough 
President Lincoln received the following pertinent letter
from an indignant private, which speaks for itself: "Dear
President I have been in the service eighteen months, and
1 have never received a cent. I desire a furlough for
fifteen days, in order to return home and remove my family
to the poor house/ The President granted the furlough.
It's a good story and true.

From Old Abe's Jokes: Fresh from Abraham's Bosom.
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General Grant and a rebel's knapsack 
The day before General Grant attacked Fort Donelson, the troops had had a march of twenty miles, part of it during a bitter cold night. Grant called a council of war to consider whether they should attack the fort at once, or should give the troops a day or two of rest. The officers were in favor of resting. Grant said nothing until they had all given their opinion; then he said: "There is a deserter who came in this morning, let us see him and hear what he has to say." When he came in, Grant looked into his knapsack. "Where are you from ?" "Fort Donelson." "Six days' rations in your knapsack, have you not, my man?" "Yes, Sir." "When were they served out?" "Yesterday morning." "Were the same rations served out to all the troops ?" "Yes, Sir." "Gentlemen," said Grant, " troops do not have six days' rations served out to them in a fort if they mean to stay there. These men mean to retreat, not to fight: we will attack at once. His action was as good as his word, and the eagles of victory soon perched upon his glorious banners.

From The Pictorial Book of Anecdotes and Incidents of the War of the Rebellion
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Colonel Owen's Squad Drill 
Tuesday, November 20, 2007, 03:39 PM - Army and Navy Jokes and Anecdotes, Civil War jokes and anecdotes
Posted by Court Jester
Great difficulty was experienced in furnishing the Pennsylvania troops with shoes at the commencement of the three months service. Those that were furnished were generally much too large for the wearers - a fault which occasioned much merriment and some inconvenience. A raw recruit in Colonel Owen's regiment was being put through the squad drill, when the following colloquy took place

SERGEANT. " Why don't ye mind the others there, Patrick Kelly ? There ye've bin standin' like a spalpeen iver since ye come out, and niver a once faced to the right or left! Shure an' I'll arrist ye! D'ye mind that ?"
PRIVATE. " Ye're mistaken altogether, sargeant. Shure an' ye've been lookin' at me shoes. Devil a bit can I turn thim around! "
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