History Jokes: Famous funny quotes and sayings


Funny anecdotes and short stories are a great source of examples in public speeches. This website contains short funny stories, clean jokes and humorous legends of kings and queens, politicians, famous literary figures and artists from many books and sources. The styles of writers from different time periods was preserved - they often enhance the stories in an amusing way. Enjoy and have fun!

Cossack Logic 
Monday, April 12, 2010, 04:19 PM - Famous funny quotes and sayings
Posted by Court Jester
The empress Elizabeth of Russia during the war with Sweden commanded the old hetman of the Cossacks to come to court on his way to Finland. " If the emperor, your father," said the hetman, "had taken my advice, your majesty would not now have been annoyed by the Swedes." "What was your advice ?" asked the empress. "To put all the nobility to death, and transplant the people into Russia." "But that," said the empress, "would have been cruel." "I do not see that," he replied quietly; "they are all dead now, and they would only have been dead if my advice had been taken."
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Matters of religion 
Nell Gwynn, a new mistress of King Charles II, was presented with a coach which apparently used to belong to someone else. When Nelly was insulted in her coach at Oxford by the mob calling her "a Catholic whore", after mistaking her for the Duchess of Portsmouth, she looked out of the window and said, with her usual good humor, 'Pray, good people, be civil; I am the Protestant whore.' This laconic speech drew upon her the favor of the populace, and Nell was suffered to proceed without further molestation.
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Famous quote about the British Empire with a clever addendum 
Wednesday, March 3, 2010, 11:45 PM - British humor, history of England, Famous funny quotes and sayings
Posted by Court Jester
"The British empire, sir," exclaimed an orator, "is one on which the sun never sets." "And one," replied an auditor, " in which the tax-collector never goes to bed."

From "The Jest Book"
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Mark Twain's pious remark 
Once a notoriously tough businessman told Mark Twain, "Before I die I mean to make a pilgrimage to the Holy Land. I will climb Mount Sinai and read the Ten Commandments aloud at the top." Disgusted, Twain replied, "I have a better idea. You could stay at home in Boston and keep them."


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Leon Trotsky--Russian Revolutionary 
Tuesday, May 19, 2009, 07:42 PM - Famous funny quotes and sayings, Jokes and anecdotes of famous people
Posted by Court Jester
Having emigrated to Austria during World War I, Leon Trotsky spent much of his time playing chess at the Cafe Central. Many viewed the Russian as docile, quiet man who kept to himself. In March of 1917, when told that revolution had broken out in Russia, the Austrian foreign minister could not believe it. He skeptically responded, "Russias is not a land where revolutions break out. Besides, who on earth would make a revolution in Russia? Perhaps Herr Trotsky from the Cafe Central?"

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