History Jokes: Cossack Logic


Funny anecdotes and short stories are a great source of examples in public speeches. This website contains short funny stories, clean jokes and humorous legends of kings and queens, politicians, famous literary figures and artists from many books and sources. The styles of writers from different time periods was preserved - they often enhance the stories in an amusing way. Enjoy and have fun!

Cossack Logic 
Monday, April 12, 2010, 04:19 PM - Famous funny quotes and sayings
Posted by Court Jester
The empress Elizabeth of Russia during the war with Sweden commanded the old hetman of the Cossacks to come to court on his way to Finland. " If the emperor, your father," said the hetman, "had taken my advice, your majesty would not now have been annoyed by the Swedes." "What was your advice ?" asked the empress. "To put all the nobility to death, and transplant the people into Russia." "But that," said the empress, "would have been cruel." "I do not see that," he replied quietly; "they are all dead now, and they would only have been dead if my advice had been taken."
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Matters of religion 
Nell Gwynn, a new mistress of King Charles II, was presented with a coach which apparently used to belong to someone else. When Nelly was insulted in her coach at Oxford by the mob calling her "a Catholic whore", after mistaking her for the Duchess of Portsmouth, she looked out of the window and said, with her usual good humor, 'Pray, good people, be civil; I am the Protestant whore.' This laconic speech drew upon her the favor of the populace, and Nell was suffered to proceed without further molestation.
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Famous quote about the British Empire with a clever addendum 
Wednesday, March 3, 2010, 11:45 PM - British humor, history of England, Famous funny quotes and sayings
Posted by Court Jester
"The British empire, sir," exclaimed an orator, "is one on which the sun never sets." "And one," replied an auditor, " in which the tax-collector never goes to bed."

From "The Jest Book"
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Ted Williams - baseball player for the Boston Red Sox 
Wednesday, May 20, 2009, 07:41 PM - American history in jokes,anecdotes and funny facts, Humorous Stories about Sports and Games
Posted by Court Jester
Ted Williams had a reputation for having a disagreeable personality. Once when he was checking into a hotel under the false name of "G.C. Luther" the clerk asked him if he was really Ted Williams. Williams denied it and they went on to have a pleasant conversation about fishing. The clerk finally remarked, "I thought you really were Ted. But I can see you're not. You've got a much nicer disposition."

Ted Williams was an avid fisherman and was very knowledgable on the subject. He once told a Boston sportswriter that there was noone who knew more about fishing than he did. The writer replied, "Sure there is. God, who made the fish." "Yeah, all right," conceded Williams. "But you had to go pretty far back."
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Mae West-American actress (1930's) 
Wednesday, May 20, 2009, 07:40 PM - American history in jokes,anecdotes and funny facts, Art History Jokes and Anecdotes
Posted by Court Jester
One friend of Mae's was overwhelmed when she saw a string of pearls around her neck."Goodness, Mae," she responded, "where did you get those pearls?" "Nevermind," countered Mae, "but you can bet goodness had nothing to do with it."

When asked how she was so familiar with the ways of men, Mae West responded, "Baby, I went to night school".
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