History Jokes: Compliment to King Charles II

Charles II. was reputed a great connoisseur in naval architecture. Being once at Chatham, to view a ship just finished on the stocks, he asked the famous Killigrew, "If he did not think he should make an excellent shipwright?" He replied, "That he always thought his majesty would have done better at any trade than his own." No favourable compliment, but as true a one, perhaps, as ever was paid.

From The Book of Three Hundred Anecdotes: Historical, Literary, and Humorous

FATAL SYMPATHY. One of the prisoners in the Port Royal, or Port Libre, during the government of Robespierre, had brought a favorite dog with him to prison. The poor animal ate, drank, and slept, with its master, until it was deprived of him by a denunciation from one of the prison spies, and his consequent death. The dog now became an interesting object in the prison, and was caressed by everybody. One gentleman in particular, an intimate friend of the deceased, was overheard by one of these guillotine providers, as he was apostrophizing the poor beast in the following terms : "Poor fellow, what will now become of you 1 Your friend and master is gone." The eaves-dropper came up and said, " You, sir, who seem so much interested in the fate of this dog and his master, look to yourself ; we shall contrive to settle your business." This threat was verified in a short time ; the poor man's compassion for the dog cost him his life.

From Percy Anecdotes

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RAFFAEL. Francis I. having received a picture of St. Michael from the hand of Raffael d'Urbino, which he much coveted, he remunerated Raffael far beyond what the painter's modesty conceived he ought to receive: the generous artist, however, made him a present of a Holy Family, painted by himself, which the courteous monarch received, saying, "That persons famous in the arts partake of the immortality of princes, and are upon a footing with them."

From Percy Anecdotes

Shaving a Queen.—For some time after the restoration of Charles the Second, young smooth-faced men performed the women's parts on the stage. That monarch, coming before his usual time to hear Shakespeare's Hamlet, sent the Earl of Rochester to know the reason of the delay; who brought word back, that the queen was not quite shaved. "Ods fish" (the king employed his usual expression), "I beg her majesty's pardon! we will wait till her barber is done with her."

From The Book of Three Hundred Anecdotes: Historical, Literary, and Humorous

Captain William Kidd (1645-1701), a famous British pirate, started his career as a regular sea captain. But when he was dispatched to the coast of Madagascar with the purpose of quelling marauding pirates, he joined them instead, and soon became one of the most ferocious raiders on the open seas. After several years of bloody raids on British ships he reached agreement with the English that he would surrender in return for a full pardon. Once he was in custody, the pardon was revoked and he was sent to the gallows. As the noose was put around his neck he said to the assembled crowds: "this is a very fickle and faithless generation."