History jokes, famous anecdotes and short funny stories.

Ted Williams had a reputation for having a disagreeable personality. Once when he was checking into a hotel under the false name of "G.C. Luther" the clerk asked him if he was really Ted Williams. Williams denied it and they went on to have a pleasant conversation about fishing. The clerk finally remarked, "I thought you really were Ted. But I can see you're not. You've got a much nicer disposition."

Ted Williams was an avid fisherman and was very knowledgable on the subject. He once told a Boston sportswriter that there was noone who knew more about fishing than he did. The writer replied, "Sure there is. God, who made the fish." "Yeah, all right," conceded Williams. "But you had to go pretty far back."

One friend of Mae's was overwhelmed when she saw a string of pearls around her neck."Goodness, Mae," she responded, "where did you get those pearls?" "Nevermind," countered Mae, "but you can bet goodness had nothing to do with it."

When asked how she was so familiar with the ways of men, Mae West responded, "Baby, I went to night school".

While retreating from Greece aboard a Phonecian ship, a dangerous storm blew up. The ship was overloaded with Persians and it looked as though the ship would sink. Xerxes asked the pilot if there was anyway to survive and was told that the ship's load must be lighted substantially. On hearing this, the king addressed the Persians, "It is on you that my safety depends. Now let some of you show your regard for your king." Many obediently threw themselves overboard and the ship, now significantly lighter, was able to reach the shore safely. Xerxes quickly ordered that the pilot of the ship be given a golden crown for preserving his life, but then also commanded his head be cut off for causing the death of so many Perisans at sea.

MGM produced a film called Rasputin and the Empress. They sought to avoid legal action by Prince Yusupov, so they changed his name in the film to Prince Chegodieff. Surprisingly, Prince Yusupov sued the film company for neglecting to give him credit for his role in Rasputin's murder. He won the case and MGM was forced to pay a substantial sum in damages to the prince. Ironically, a real Prince Chegodieff also sued the studio for libelous use of his name and MGM was forced to pay him additional damages.

Once a notoriously tough businessman told Mark Twain, "Before I die I mean to make a pilgrimage to the Holy Land. I will climb Mount Sinai and read the Ten Commandments aloud at the top." Disgusted, Twain replied, "I have a better idea. You could stay at home in Boston and keep them."